Feeling Betrayed? There is Hope
Infidelity is a word that immediately conjures notions of a secret, sexual affair. Do you know that infidelity can also mean betraying a spouse or partner financially? Or emotionally? In fact, the word “infidelity” has come to mean having a secret of any kind from one’s partner/spouse.
Betrayed spouses and partners usually have a wide range of feelings about the betrayal. The initial shock can be devastating. For some, it is a relief to have their suspicions confirmed; especially if they have been lied to repeatedly about the existence of the secret.
Anger, fear, sadness, and MANY questions usually follow. Revenge fantasies are common, and can even be healthy. Acting on them is not. Feeling unable to concentrate is typical, and most people find it exceptionally difficult to continue functioning at their usual level for at least a few days, sometimes weeks. That’s why getting professional support is essential.
At Strength To Strength, I specialize in treating the unique trauma of feeling betrayed. It is more complicated than most people realize, until they go through it. When one is feeling the pain of betrayal, making rational choices can seem frustratingly impossible. One minute you might feel sadness and the next minute you might feel rage. After a few days, it begins to all feel so “crazy” that many people wonder if they are “losing it”. The healing process takes time. Having a reaction to a profound betrayal is not the same as “going crazy”.
Sometimes people ask me is it even possible to trust again after being betrayed? Yes, it is possible. No, it will never be exactly the way it was. Many people say that finding out about their partner’s secret was essential to them building a better relationship. They knew something was wrong in the relationship, but couldn’t figure out what to do about it.
Those who ended the relationship after the betrayal also say it was a turning point in their own development: the beginning of deeper self-awareness and fulfillment.
No matter what you decide to do with your relationship, I will respect and support your choice. Let’s begin the healing process.